|
Liberal Hypocrisy, “Vanilla Privilege”
Trigger warning: explicit discussion of BDSM practices, rough sex—possible trigger for rape or sexual assault.
Hi. I’m a dom. Fuck you. My partner and I do all sorts of things that you, in your ignorance, would read as abuse. I have handcuffed her, chained her ankles, collared her, and tugged her around by a leash, I have blindfolded her, gagged her, and forced her back by her hair, I have hit her with a riding crop across her back, rear, and legs, and with my hands across her face and rear, I have restrained her body, her limbs, and her breathing, I have dominated her emotionally and physically, and directed her, either physically or verbally, to do things in a way that you would read as coercion or rape. And none of these things constitute abuse, because they were pre-negotiated, consensual, and carried out with the use of a safety word and other precautions designed so that if at any point she was uncomfortable with what I was doing, she could make me stop. And you know what? She never has. Nothing I have done to her has ever been nonconsensual. Being able to characterize my sexual practices as abusive, despite the reality of my situation, is a manifestation of vanilla privilege. That you can write my sexual practices off as “getting off on being kicked or punched” is a manifestation of vanilla privilege. Treating mine and my partner’s sex as if it’s not mutually beneficial or mutually satisfactory is a manifestation of vanilla privilege. Never having to be afraid of revealing your sexual preferences for fear of being judged for them is a manifestation of vanilla privilege. Sex is not abusive if partners consent, risk is minimized, precautions are put in place, and negotiated boundaries are observed—and this is true for all sex, not just violent sex. And people in the D/s community are often very specific about boundaries—which I would venture to guess helps minimize the risk of abuse. I would feel much safer with someone who opens up a sexual relationship with discussion of what’s allowed and how far they can go, rather than someone who just assumes they’ll be told to stop if their partner doesn’t want it. Not to mention, you mischaracterize the D/s community immensely by equating D/s to violence against women. Do you think there are no female dommes, and that women would automatically have to be submissive? How sexist can you get? Not to mention all the gay people in the scene—where exactly does “violence” against women enter into the picture in a relationship with two men? Try not to be so heterosexist next time. And as for supporting “mutually-beneficial, mutually-satisfactory sex without the pain?” Thanks, but no thanks. I’d rather have mutually beneficial, mutually satisfactory sex with pain. Because, guess what? I like pain. And if my girlfriend wants to scratch her name into my back with her fingernails, I am sure as fuck not about to stop her. Thanks again, fuck you, and goodnight. 317 notes:
|
|||||
|
|||||
My name is Jared, or you can just call me Tchy. I'm a non-binary transmasculine queer kid just kickin' around on the internet. I like writing, fantasy, late nights, creepy magic, books, lions, punk, and social justice. I sustain myself mainly on a diet of chocolate, salt and vinegar chips, and strong tea in a mug decorated with dirty Shakespeare quotations. Sometimes I like to draw inappropriate things. Here are some other possibly-relevant things about me. 
theme by Conkers
|
||
