emilyswash:

let’s say you have these two friends named lucille and cassie! let’s say your friend lucille trips up and says something that cassie didn’t like. cassie rails her so hard about the mistake that lucille has a panic attack. cassie apologizes, and feels really bad, and so you all move on. now, let’s say that cassie does this to at least two more people (that you know of). do you continue to move on, or do you start to suspect that cassie is an abuser?

WHAM BAM SHYAMALAN: CASSIE IS THE TUMBLR SOCIAL JUSTICE COMMUNITY!!

i don’t really know what to say here. i’m considering deleting my tumblr, or at least taking a bit of a hiatus. i’m, y’know, i would consider myself a radical? we need a revolution! just, a big ol’ revolt. lots of changes, lots of deconstruction, lots of building up. the thing is that i’m not sure that i want to be part of a revolution that includes verbally/textually beating people to tears?

like, people who have just made a mistake, people who apologized, people who mean well. yeah, intent means shit, etc. etc. if someone accidentally punches you, they’ve still punched you. but you know? honestly? honestly? we live in a culture that teaches us from the moment we enter the world that punching people in the face is acceptable. or that doesn’t teach us how to not punch people in the face. or something. of course, overall, i would prefer to not be punched in the face! but if someone’s going to do it— and they ARE going to do it, because that is the world we live in as of this moment, we live in a face-punching world— i’m going to feel better afterward if, when i go, “uhm you just punched me in the face…”, they go “holy shit i didn’t know / i feel bad / i’m gonna try not to do that!”, rather than “YEAH I DID HAHAHAH FACE PUNCHES FOR ALL OF THE FACES!” or like “WELL MAYBE YOUR FACE SHOULDN’T HAVE GOTTEN IN THE WAY OF MY FIST (WHILE IT WAS PUNCHING)!”

i don’t know how to sit down and have an honest discussion about people being assholes without seventy people immediately pointing at me and screaming “TONE ARGUMENT!!!!!!!” so hard that their eyeballs straight-up BURST. burst right out of their face. quite frankly, i am terrified to be involved in that discussion. this is not even a case of my anxiety going off, this is a case of “i am fairly certain that i am wandering into a cave of rabid winnie-the-pooh clones while wearing naught but a thick glaze of honey”. i am terrified to make a mistake or launch a mild criticism in front of a group i am at least partially involved in, and i think that’s a pretty good sign that i should leave it.

I’d like to add to this that, while I strongly believe that “intent isn’t important” is an extremely powerful and necessary tool for marginalized people to have at their disposal, it is meant to be used against people who use a lack of ill intent to “excuse” hurtful actions. A person who mistakenly says something bad and doesn’t realize it or have a chance to apologize before they get attacked is not one of those people.

To put in in perspective, this is an appropriate use of the argument.

Non-SJ Person: [Action worthy of call-out.]
SJ Activist: That’s not appropriate because [explanation].
Non-SJ Person: I didn’t mean it that way! That means it’s not offensive! You should excuse everything I say because I don’t know any better, and also, you are wrong!
SJ Activist: Intent doesn’t matter, you are a douche.

This, on the other hand, is not.

Non-SJ Person: [Action worthy of call-out.]
SJ Activist: That’s not appropriate because [explanation].
Non-SJ Person: Oh my gosh, I didn’t realize! Now that you have pointed it out, I understand I was in the wrong and I apologize.
SJ Activist: Intent doesn’t matter, you are still a douche.

See the difference?

And, you know, I shouldn’t even need to say this, but accusing someone of being a terrible person for something that was merely thoughtless and not actively oppressive, before they have had it pointed out to them, and before they have had a chance to apologize, especially if they aren’t involved in social justice and don’t know what they did wrong—well, that’s not on either. Don’t pull that shit.

I’d rather no more of my friends have anxiety attacks because of this.